guitar-ing

For Christmas, Michelle gave me a guitar.

For those of you that are wondering - no, I don't play the guitar. At least, I didn't until about 3 weeks ago. Now, I'm almost professional! I have even written my first song, inspired by one of Jacob's footed pajamas and certain events that occurred at the time of composition. Lyrics below:

You got polar bears, and meese,
and fishes, and penguini.
You got polar bears, and meese,
and fishes, and penguini.
And your mom needs a towel right now,
so we'll get her a towel right now.
You got polar bears, and meese,
and fishes, and penguini.

The best thing about this song is that once you hear it, you can't get it out of your head. Michelle and I have both been singing it under our breath for the last several days, and it's driving us both nuts. Watch out Jonas Brothers, here I come!

rain

why does it always rain hard?

why am i drenched?  - there's a hole in my umbrella.

i can look through it and get spattered in the eye.

so much for seeing where i'm going.

why does it always rain hard?

why am i cold? - i hug my jacket to me.

i can feel my breath and warm my face.

i can't seem to feel my toes.

where are my toes taking me?

i seem to be going in circles.

i've splashed through that puddle three times already.

is this the way i've been going all along?

water flows downhill, right?

i don't want to go that way; i want to go up.

i will set a new course to get to higher ground.

maybe i can get above the clouds.

why does it always rain hard?

if it were only a drizzle, would i open my eyes?

i can see to change my path and actually get somewhere.

i'll take poor visibility over blindness.

Poor us!

We're all sick.

Jacob has had a stuffy nose and cough for the last few days. Worst of all, he hasn't been able to sleep very well because his nose has been stuffed up. That means that none of us has really been able to sleep. And now Michelle and I have caught what Jake's had.

It hit Michelle the hardest. She's been really tired and achy. Both of us have had a lot of sinus congestion and have been really tired. Michelle was still really kind to take care of Jake while I took my daily nap.

I think Jake is over the worst of it, but he's still really tired. Today he fell asleep laying on Michelle or I several times.

So we've been bonding by taking care of each other. We're a sorry bunch, but hopefully we'll be better soon.

Julio

Do random memories ever pop into your head where you think, "Where did that come from?" Maybe I'm special.

I just remembered, for whatever reason, that my favorite taxi driver in Maracaibo was Julio. Julio was a talkative 60-something codger with a talent for squeezing his boat of a car into the tightest spots without even a tap on the brakes. I had long since been desensitized to aggressive Venezuelan driving, so I always requested Julio in order to get my errands done as quickly as possible. Ah, memories . . .

I really am manly . . .

Some of you may have read the blogs that my wife has been posting about all of our fun family activities. I don't dispute any of them - Michelle is nothing if not honest. So you probably know that we read the Twilight series together, and that I've made cookies, and, yes, even attempted to sew. Maybe you are thinking to yourself, "That Dan character really seems kind of girly," but I assure you that that particular thought is unequivocally false.

What Michelle has failed to mention are all the incredibly manly things that I do, so I thought I would take this opportunity to enlighten you.

• First, I use power tools on a regular basis, drilling holes and mounting hardware.
• Michelle asks me all the time to open very stuck jars for her.
• I'm the bread-winner of the Black household, and the fruit-winner, and the vegetable-winner, and the ice-cream-winner.
• I lift weights (at least once this week).
• I only shave three times a week, and you can tell.
• I'm married to a beautiful woman.
• I play Ultimate Frisbee twice a week, and always have some sort of battle scar from a magnificent defensive play or awesome diving catch in the endzone.
• I'm the dad that can beat up your kid's dad.

So before you accuse me of being a pansy, just ask yourself, "Am I comfortable enough with my manhood to sew, or cook, or clean, or do cheerleading?" Who's the real pansy?

Super powers

I love to read books and watch movies with characters that have super powers. For whatever reason, I just like the idea that people can do "impossible" things. Or I did, at least, until I discovered that my own son has undeniable powers. I have listed a few of these below so that you can evaluate the super status of your own children.

1. Jacob can screech at exactly the right pitch and intensity to shatter eardrums. I've already gone through several pair after they've been destroyed by his siren squeals.
2. His hands are magnetically attracted to my glasses.
3. His slobber has the power to appear anywhere on his or my person.
4. Jacob has incredible strength, which he uses to pinch skin, yank chest hair, and hold onto Cheerios as though his life depends on it.
5. He can aparate out of sight instantaneously. (This ability is just beginning to manifest itself, but I'm sure it will develop quickly.)
6. His extreme cuteness can melt away any feelings of anger or animosity.
   
7. He has the ability to overpower his enemies with an incredible stench.

If your child has any of these abilities, he/she may also be a "Super." I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. If you have identified any other super abilities that your child may have, please let me know so that I can prepare myself as much as possible.

And the winner is . . .

I promised a gold star to whoever could figure out from where I (inadvertently) swiped the title of this blog. Kudos to Matt and also my coworker Grant. Feel free to print out this image and paste it to your foreheads.
For the rest of you, the quote is from Lord of the Rings. Turns out I got the quote a little bit wrong. What Gandalf really says is "A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives preisely when he means to."