Julio

Do random memories ever pop into your head where you think, "Where did that come from?" Maybe I'm special.

I just remembered, for whatever reason, that my favorite taxi driver in Maracaibo was Julio. Julio was a talkative 60-something codger with a talent for squeezing his boat of a car into the tightest spots without even a tap on the brakes. I had long since been desensitized to aggressive Venezuelan driving, so I always requested Julio in order to get my errands done as quickly as possible. Ah, memories . . .

I really am manly . . .

Some of you may have read the blogs that my wife has been posting about all of our fun family activities. I don't dispute any of them - Michelle is nothing if not honest. So you probably know that we read the Twilight series together, and that I've made cookies, and, yes, even attempted to sew. Maybe you are thinking to yourself, "That Dan character really seems kind of girly," but I assure you that that particular thought is unequivocally false.

What Michelle has failed to mention are all the incredibly manly things that I do, so I thought I would take this opportunity to enlighten you.

• First, I use power tools on a regular basis, drilling holes and mounting hardware.
• Michelle asks me all the time to open very stuck jars for her.
• I'm the bread-winner of the Black household, and the fruit-winner, and the vegetable-winner, and the ice-cream-winner.
• I lift weights (at least once this week).
• I only shave three times a week, and you can tell.
• I'm married to a beautiful woman.
• I play Ultimate Frisbee twice a week, and always have some sort of battle scar from a magnificent defensive play or awesome diving catch in the endzone.
• I'm the dad that can beat up your kid's dad.

So before you accuse me of being a pansy, just ask yourself, "Am I comfortable enough with my manhood to sew, or cook, or clean, or do cheerleading?" Who's the real pansy?

Super powers

I love to read books and watch movies with characters that have super powers. For whatever reason, I just like the idea that people can do "impossible" things. Or I did, at least, until I discovered that my own son has undeniable powers. I have listed a few of these below so that you can evaluate the super status of your own children.

1. Jacob can screech at exactly the right pitch and intensity to shatter eardrums. I've already gone through several pair after they've been destroyed by his siren squeals.
2. His hands are magnetically attracted to my glasses.
3. His slobber has the power to appear anywhere on his or my person.
4. Jacob has incredible strength, which he uses to pinch skin, yank chest hair, and hold onto Cheerios as though his life depends on it.
5. He can aparate out of sight instantaneously. (This ability is just beginning to manifest itself, but I'm sure it will develop quickly.)
6. His extreme cuteness can melt away any feelings of anger or animosity.
   
7. He has the ability to overpower his enemies with an incredible stench.

If your child has any of these abilities, he/she may also be a "Super." I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. If you have identified any other super abilities that your child may have, please let me know so that I can prepare myself as much as possible.